Gaining more confidence
14 Dec 2011 Comments Off
in blog
Pretty simple title for this post that encapsulates what has been on my mind for the last few weeks.
Confidence.
I’ve always been a strange one when it comes to confidence. Then again, I suppose everyone is. For instance, as a teen and young adult, I had no problems going up to a guy I liked and asking him out. After all, that’s how I ended up getting my husband! I was bold and unafraid. And on a different side of the coin, I certainly didn’t mind making a fool of myself in front of my students when I was a teacher for a few years. You have to be with the young (we’re talking 1st through 5th graders) students I had. And as a child, I had no problems getting up in front of people and singing my heart out. I have a vague memory of trying to imitate opera singers I heard on TV and singing so loudly that my parents came upstairs to see what I was doing.
I discovered early on that I loved singing and I’d do it every chance I could: singing along with the radio, writing my own little songs and recording them on my Fisher-Price recorder. In 6th grade I wanted to sing “I Love You Always Forever” at a talent recital. And was told by the teachers that it was too mature for a little 12 year old to be singing. Looking back on it, yeah, it probably was. Though by today’s standards, the lyrics of that song are pretty tame! Eventually I joined the choir in high school. Not middle school because that was reserved for band. Probably a good thing I didn’t join my middle school choir because I used to hear that the teacher was a real bitch. So I stuck with the band.
I was in the clarinet section, for the record.
Then something happened along the way.
I became more self-conscious.
I’d go to open my mouth in front of people to sing and I wouldn’t sound nearly as sure of myself as I did when I was completely alone.
As I reflect on it, I think it was a combination of hearing that I shouldn’t try to be like Celine Dion or Whitney Houston because I didn’t have the voice for it as well as listening to all the adult contemporary music my parents would play at home and wishing I sounded as good as what I’d hear on the radio. So I became quieter and didn’t sing out nearly as much. In choir, I’d sing just loud enough to blend in with the rest of the members, and I never tried out for solos. You could also forget about going out with friends to sing karaoke. I would’ve never done that because I was way too self-conscious of how I sounded. Why even try if I can’t sound nearly as good as the pros?
Voice lessons helped a little bit, but I still had problems. I was classically trained, so my classical voice over pop and rock music sounded awful. Honestly, the only time that classical singing sounds good over anything but classical music is in metal, with groups like Nightwish, Within Temptation, Epica and (some) Lacuna Coil (husband helped me out with some of those names since I’m not a metal listener). So when I’d go to sing my own music, I’d sing it with my classical style and playing it back, it would sound bad but I couldn’t pinpoint why. After all, I’d been taught the proper way to sing, so if I was singing properly, why didn’t it sound very good? Gee, I must not be very good at all then, I’d think to myself.
And further down the hole I’d go.
Only after my husband gently told me that it was in the way I was singing, did I start to change my style of singing and then like what I was hearing. I realized there is a time and place for classical singing and that it doesn’t work all the time. Don’t believe me? Try singing something like Katy Perry’s “Hot and Cold” with veeerrry well-raaaaahhhooounded vowels and you’ll see what I mean.
“Yoooou’re haaaaht thayn yooou’re cooohld, yooooou’re yaysss thayn yoooou’re nooooh……”
Or how about “Born This Way”?
“Ahm ohn the raaht traahck, bay-beee ah waaahs booohrn thees waaaaay….”
You try doing it without laughing. If you can, I’ll give you a copy of my upcoming album for free when it’s released. Shoot me an e-mail.
But you see what I mean? It just doesn’t sound good. It sounds too proper. And pop music is all about…. well, not being proper. It’s about letting go and just singing the blasted words. Why does it work over loud metal guitars? It’s the contrast of hard music and beautiful singing. It’s one of those things that just works.
As for me…..
I’m just now beginning to see the sky as I climb out of that hole.
It’s taken years of undoing but I’m able to sing in a more pop style than I could’ve done as a teen taking classical voice lessons. So I’m now enjoying what I hear when I play back my songs on my computer. I will give that there are some valuable lessons I got from those classical lessons such as breath support and warm-ups. You’ll never see me launch right into singing for one of my online concerts without doing some scales on “loooo” or “laaah” first. Runners always warm up their muscles before launching themselves onto the track for a race. So it is with singers.
I also began taking voice lessons again about a year and a half ago so I could improve my range and confidence. And that has been helping a lot! I realized that I was singing lower than I should’ve been. I can almost hit a C two octaves above middle C on the piano and can go as low as F# below middle C. So that’s almost a two and a half octave range. Not bad! Though sometimes I can even hit a D almost one octave below middle C after I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate; can you tell I’ve tried that? :P :) I know I still have a ways to go with improving my voice and music, but I have the raw talent to make it work.
It also helps to have encouragement from friends and family. My husband is my biggest fan and critic. When I’m working on a song, I let him take a listen and he tells me in brutal honesty what I should work on and what I should omit. He’s not Simon Cowell but he’s honest without being rude. At first I was terrible about taking criticism, but I’m getting a HELL of a lot better about it.
It’s about letting go and enjoying singing. I finally did karaoke one night a few months ago and realized that I really enjoyed it! I’d forgotten how much I truly enjoyed singing. Which led me to joining SingSnap and becoming a member so I can do karaoke all the time! Though I still prefer to focus on my own original songs. :)
All of this to say that it’s been a long journey… And I’ve realized the more you practice, the better you become. You write and write so you can become a better writer because not every piece you write is going to be the greatest. And you sing and sing so you can become a better singer. I highly doubt that Florence of Florence + the Machine records her first take of singing a song for the very first time (after never hearing the song before going into that big, expensive studio) and says, “All right I’m done.”
No. It doesn’t work like that. It takes practice. Hours and hours of singing the same part over and over again until you almost want to shoot yourself if you have to hear that song again. At which point, you take a break from it and come back to it with fresh ears and eyes. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to do that with a song.
And I’ll end it here for the night and go get some ice cream. Or play some more piano. Whichever I feel like doing. :D
Till next time….
